The end of 2008 approaches. 2009 is going to be…
Not more of the same, I sincerely hope. Mea culpa, I am procrastinating. I watch myself do it. I’m doing it now. I’m writing this instead of hammering out the classic fiction of the future.
I have tio admit, since the beginning of December I have been more and more depressed, which is a horrible, downward spiral, the likes of which I haven’t felt since I broke up with a woman I thought was going to be my wife, a long long time ago. I was a mere 24 then, contemplated ending it all, took a lot of long walks, and came out the other end determined to do better. A few months later I met Donna and the last 28 years have been a terrific ride with a wonderful companion.
So I know by experience that things turn around and get better. It’s cyclic.
But you do have to do something to encourage the process, like maybe some real work.
I have been working, but it’s all peripheral stuff. Procrastination. A lot of it will end up being useful, I have a limited range of things I do while I procrastinate.
I have three novels I want to write in the next couple of years. Two of them will be sequels, so writing them would be an act of faith that the first volumes to which they are connected will be published. I just don’t know by whom.
I finally got a decent scanner, so I can start playing with Photoshop the way I’ve been intending for lo these many years. (I’ve had Photoshop 7.0 on my system for some time now and once in a while I open it up and gaze at it…)
There is a model kit under my workbench I’ve had for several years now that I want to build.
I went to the Christmas coffeehouse last weekend, something I usually can’t do because there is an annual party we attend that always falls on the same night. Well. As you might guess, it was all—ALL—Christmas music, which I have a childish affection for. But I ended up playing poorly, mainly due to a lack of practice, and, in myown ears at least, I muffed it.
I’ve fallen into a holding pattern, waiting for the world to change. I know better.
So after I finish this post, I’m going to say a word or two on my MySapce blog, then turn my back on the internet for a few days. I need to find a groove in my writing. I need to stop feeling like a failure.
December is traditionally the month during which all publishing seems to disappear. Editors are not to be found, switchboards are put on automatic, no one does anything much to speak of. So when December 1st rolled around with no news, I sort of collapsed. Expectations were once again not met. I have to wait. I am not a patient man. I’ve never been good at waiting. (I’ve walked away from grocery carts when it took too long to get through the line.) It took hold for a bit. Still does. It’s bloody cold, the sky is grey, and I have no idea what’s going to happen in the next few months.
But I have responsibilities. O have Center for the Book paperwork that needs tending. I have to prepare a package by April for the transition of the presidency to someone else. I need to walk the dog.
Mostly I have to stop acting like I’ve been defeated. That’s hard. But easier than watching everything else melt down and drift away.
Anyway, I’m going to fiddle around with getting a new version of WordPress so I can start uploading videos and the like. I tend to learn a given level of software and then, because I don’t like constantly stepping outside my comfort zone, stick with it long past the time when everyone else has moved on to the new and improved.
I’m posting it here. Mark this. I’m not going to proscratinate anymore. Really. I mean it. Cross my heart. See if I don’t. I’m going now. Bye. For now. Till later.
Oh, hell.
